Sometimes the words are too buried to write. Yesterday when I woke up on Mother’s Day, I thought about writing a blog post. I even opened my computer and stared at the blank screen for a moment, but then I closed my laptop and began reading. I cozied down in bed and enjoyed a good novel until my boys came scrambling down the stairs to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day and give me a giant card. Back when I was blogging regularly, I never let a holiday or celebration go by where I didn’t blog about it. But since the passing of my mom, it’s hard to sound as bubbly in my writing. In an effort to not always sound sad or melancholy to my readers, I sometimes keep those words for my personal journal, as opposed to my blog.
Mother’s Day can be challenging for me, but if I’ve learned anything over the past several years, it’s to focus on what’s here instead of what’s lost. When we allow ourselves to overthink the negative, there’s little room left for the beauty and the good in our worlds. So yesterday, I didn’t want to start my day on a sad note by writing a blog post about missing my mom. I had no idea what emotions the day would bring. It felt like a blank slate and I was curious about how it wold unfold.
My boys are 11 and 8. They are not quite at the ages where they can cook me breakfast in bed or drive somewhere to buy gift, but they are old enough to know that yesterday was about me and they demonstrated that with their love and affection. My dad helped them get the giant card they brought me in bed. Along with the card, my older son made me a bracelet. Before we did anything else, we snuggled together in bed and I told them how blessed I was to be their mommy.
Later, we met my boyfriend, his parents and my dad at a park and had a picnic lunch. With restaurants closed due to COVID-19 and with social distancing still very important, we decided to stay outside. The boys had fun riding bikes and playing. They allowed me to sit and relax with the adults, which was a gift in an of itself. My dad gave me gorgeous earrings. Matthew’s parents gave me a beautiful plant and two bottles of good red wine. Matthew gave me a silver necklace with a triangle pendant. When we first started dating, I told him I really loved the shape of a triangle because it symbolized my two boys and me as a bonded unit. He saw the necklace and it made him think of my comment, which is so thoughtful.
They boys and I are like a triangle. I’ve written about this before but one thing single parenting offers is a unique bond with one’s children. Without two adults present, there’s more interaction and quality time between the one parent and the children. Of course, the family unit is an amazing thing, and I’m not suggesting divorce to anyone. But like I said earlier, my goal is to focus on the positives, not the negatives.
Last night before I fell asleep, I felt happy and content. I did not compare myself to friends who still have their moms or friends who are still in a family unit because as they say, comparison is the thief of joy. If we need anything in our lives, especially in today’s stressful world, it’s joy. I had a wonderful Mother’s Day. It was full of all the things that truly matter. Love, laughter and connection. And for that, I am very grateful.